Remembering
100 Mother's Days

by Lorinda A. Henry

This is the 100th anniversary of Mother’s Day, which means it is about the 99th anniversary of people trying to do away with Mother’s Days because they are too a) commercialized, b) artifi cial, or c) fi ll in the blank.

I once had a minister who refused to do a Mother’s Day sermon, which was his right, if not his rite, because of one or all of those. He always prefaced it by saying that we were not to take it personally because he did not send his mother even a card for the day because it was his belief that if he ignored her the rest of the year a card on Mother’s Day would not make up for it.

Well, I didn’t need to hear another panegyric about motherhood in general, but I thought as far as his own mother went, he missed the point. I still think he missed the point.

In the first place, I don’t think anyone ever suggested ignoring your mother (or father; the same platitudes apply) all the rest of the year. In the second place, you seldom hear it said that, “We should be thankful all year, so there is no point in celebrating Thanksgiving.” Or, “We should appreciate our country all year round, so let’s do away with Independence Day.” What’s the big deal about celebrating your relationship with your parents on a couple of special days?

Is Mother’s Day commercialized? Probably. This is America – everything is commercialized. Free enterprise, remember? That doesn’t mean it’s a terrible thing, or that you have to personally engage in it. I hope no one ever decides to give me a diamond tennis bracelet for Mother’s Day – or for anything else, for that matter. But the fact that my older daughter absolutely forbade anyone to pick any of her violets until she did it herself on Mother’s Day – well, that just brings a special glow every time I see the violets open their minute blossoms every year, and probably will even if I get to the point where I don’t remember why. You can’t buy that, but you can’t say that it has nothing to do with whether or not I have a special relationship with my girls that gets celebrated every May.

I also don’t think that anyone or any relationship gets spoiled by a card or two once a year. I still have one that cracks me up – it was a delightfully wry one among a drift of warmer wishes -- and brings a smile to my face, not just because it was funny, but because there was a laughing story of how both the girls saw it at the same time, and one ended up with the only copy. That card opens up a whole lot of understanding about not just my relationship with my chicks, but of theirs with each other.

Would it have happened on some other day? Maybe, maybe not. The fun card itself wouldn’t have made sense on any other occasion. And the girls might not have been shopping for me together at another time of year. Do I want a card that says that they would be nothing if it weren’t for me? No, I don’t. I certainly hope that they would be wonderful people without me in the equation.

But a garden plant or three, and a couple of cards are great. They know that if they ever have the money for a diamond tennis bracelet I would rather they buy hens for a mother who is struggling somewhere else in the world. And that is the point – that they do know me. In many ways. And if we are mainly friends the rest of the year, I am also happy to be just Mama for one day out of 365. I can do without the sermon. But I want my card!

- Ma